it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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