i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
3pm strippers are depressing
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
