8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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