I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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