There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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