Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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