This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
