We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
