Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
