speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
