Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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