I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
