Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
