do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
