there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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