He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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