You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
