it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
