Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
