i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
