the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
