it was like his penis was on wheels.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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