On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
