ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
