Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
