the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
