:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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