I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
