I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
