nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Randomize
