i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
