he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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