who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
