So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
