She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
