Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
