He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
