I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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