It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
