Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
