3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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