They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
