just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
