I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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