got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
