3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
