I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
