I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
