whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
