Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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