I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fuck appropriateness.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
